coping

through it all my husband has had hope. everything will work out Donvoan will be "normal". He has a reason for everything and has always believed that things will change and our little boy will be a normal little boy

Last night i was laying in bed and he was playing with donovan. Donovan started to get over stimulated and Steven picked him up and looked at him and said " whats wrong donovan" and his face dropped he looked at me with this horrible sad face. He then continues to tell me have you noticed after the tubes were put in he started talking so much more. and now hes stopped again. hes just at a stand still. and i told him yea i know. and he continues with he thought he would still be talking more and doing more.

i looked at him and told him well you know honey sooner or later you will see that Donovan is not a normal little boy. He is not your typical child. He has some problems. and getting his ears fixed wasn't going to fix it all like they tried to tell us and give us endless hope.
He looked at me with the saddest look on his face ever and said I know, I've known this, its just hard


I think for the first time ever my husband has really come to realize what i have been saying. and in away its heart breaking. its almost like he has given up hope. I know he hasn't but it's what it feels like. My husband is a very optimistic person. and for him to agree with this is something very huge. He has always had the hope that Donovan would over come this. I sadly think he is realizing this is our life. and its not just going to go away.

so many people dont realize what its like to have a child with a learning disability. and for a child to have PDD-NOS is hard. Its hard on the child and the hole family. We all take things differently. We all cope with this differently. 


For myself I cried endlessly for the first month. Then i became the fighter i am now. I went through alot of phases but i believe i am past those. I felt like i lost my child. i felt like i was a horrible parent i felt like it had to be my fault. I still have some days where i cry and where i feel lost. but i know everything is the way it is for a reason.


My daughter almost 6 years old has delt with this in a very amazing way. She doesnt understand it 100% but she loves her little brother through it all. She wants to protect him and guide him and she wants for him to be an amazing person. She is a wonderful big sister and always has been. She is the most caring big sister you could ever meet. She has never expressed any sadness about the way her brother is. but wants to teach others about it every chance she gets. often we have to tell her not to introduce her brother as "my autistic brother" she wants people to know. Maybe she see's it as a gift and a blessing. She wants to grow up to be a special education teacher. I'm not sure if she understands 100% what that is. but i believe she will make an amazing teacher some day. 


I love our son. through this all he is an amazing child. he teaches me things everyday. and shows me a new way of looking at life everyday. He is strong and brave (sometimes to much). He is loving and caring. he is perfectly amazing. 


I love you Donovan Eli 

the roller coaster

The Rollercoaster

By Cara Raley

Many people who have a special needs child know that it’s challenging, time consuming, heart breaking fearful, and a rollercoaster. I have had to learn this myself. Parenthood isn’t a walk in the park or a piece of cake like I thought it was going to be. We’ve gone through changes, heart breaking moments, and pure fear. How long is this going to last? What does it mean? Will this change his whole life?

The emotional aspect is the hardest part to overcome. The shock comes fast once you realize your child is special needs. This is normally followed by disbelief. This has to be wrong! How could it happen to my baby? Sadness normally fallows shortly after. The tears will fall and you might even start to grieve. What would you grieve for? Maybe the loss of what you thought was “normal”. After these moments of sadness you will start to grow. Your broken heart starts to mend. You now start to be okay with it. This is accepting it. After you can accept everything that has been handed to you, you start to live for it. Yes some might think it has overcome you and you are just too into it. At this point you are now your child’s advocate! From here it doesn’t get easier, but it’s well worth it!

Helping your child is another rollercoaster. The things you go through to help your child. The therapy can be hard and at times you might not understand why you are doing this to your child. Never give up on your child. They need you to be strong. Try finding something that helps them. Understand that some things they can’t help but doing. Remember that if you aren’t feeling good about the help they are providing, to voice it. They can’t tell you if something is helping or not.

As a mother of a special needs child I’ve gone through all this, and have learned each day is going to be different. Each day can be harder than the last. The love for my child has changed me and built me into a stronger woman. I’m still learning each day. I’m still learning how to deal with the rollercoaster of life with a special needs child.

I have no family support with what is going on with my son. I do this alone with help from his father but no support outside of the home. I have struggled and faught to find a way to make people understand and support our little guy. This has not worked. I suggest if you have a family or friend like this to sadly not bring them into this aspect of your child’s life. That is now where I am. I do not express the progress with these people anymore.